Imagine coming home after a really bad day at work. You walk in and slam the door, scaring the life out of the kids. You are in a mood and demand/expect that your partner wait upon you, run around after you, walk on eggshells while you calm down, and cop a mouthful of abuse while you rant and rave. If this reminds you of someone, then keep reading because today you might learn something helpful.
Could that situation have been done differently? Of course it could have. Instead of making the moment all about you and the control you exert over your partner, what if you decided instead to leave that bad day where it belongs – at work. You come home determined to cheer up and are looking forward to spending quality time with those you love, as you know this does the trick every time. Watching your kids play and laugh, listening to them interact with each other and you guys, watching how much your partner loves you and wants to spend time with you. All these things finally put a smile upon your face.
Perhaps you decide to do something nice for your partner once the kids are in bed. You sit and relax with a bottle of wine and both of you begin naturally to share how your day went. You listen attentively to your partner’s news and genuinely enjoy being a part of their life. Your partner then intuitively says, “so, tell me what happened today with you?” At this point in time your partner probably don’t have to say much for the next 30 minutes, as you pour out your frustration, bitterness, disappointment, and the like.
You don’t really want or need answers – you just want your most favourite person in the world to be there with you. They listen attentively (without giving any opinion of their boss/co-worker/whoever upset you) and let you get off their chest what has been building up. Once the outpouring has stopped, the wine has been drunk, and the issue resolved you will think the world of your partner, and they you. And in all normal relationships this is how it works. Both working together to resolve issues while ensuring that everyone is treated with respect, fairness, decency and love. No one person is in control, and neither partner has the right to demand anything of the other person.
Emotional put-downs, demands, threats, retribution, payback, and especially violence or abuse of any kind have absolutely no place in a marriage or life partnership.
Being in a relationship is never about control or having your needs met. And you should never enter a relationship expecting that other person to complete you or be your parent. It is a 50/50 deal where you give as much love as you get, and in time you will want to give more because you love that person so much. So perhaps next time you have a crap day and feel that it is your partner’s job to make it all better and obey your every command, think again. Take a big breath, get your head in a good place, and then go out of your way to do something special for them instead.
Who knows, it might just change your relationship forever.
And please if things seem out of control and you need someone to talk to, call someone for some professional help to get the assistance you need to get your life and relationship back on track.
Living each adventure,
Christine and Trevor
Empowering people to live a healthy, active, authentic and fulfilling life.
Adelaide, South Australia.
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DISCLAIMER: This article is written for informational purposes only and is based on Christine and Trevor’s own life experiences. No food featured on this site should ever be consumed or handled if known or suspected allergies exist. Nothing featured here should be taken as medical, professional or legal advice. It is always recommended that you consult the appropriate professional before changing any routine or adopting any new procedure.